I just don't feel like talking about something as personal and private as my piss problem and my woo woo thing, as Dr. Schitz calls it. He sounds so silly talking like that and is supposed to be certified like Dr. Doo Doo. I think he is full of it just as his name implies, Dr. Schitz. But what can you expect from a man probing around a woman's body. What in the world does he say to his wife when he comes home from work? "I had a hard day at the orifice." Woo woo my ass! Stupid men!
So I went to a woman doctor. Dr. Penis is a gynecologist and a urologist all rolled into one. She gave me a very thorough examination with the x-rays and sound thing and even stuck a wire in my urethra that had a camera on it so it could take pictures in there. She even had one of those red lazer pointers, but she just used it to move the red dot on a bare wall real fast trying to draw cartoon characters. She would laugh just like Woody Woodpecker. Dr. Penis told me that it was because of her laugh that her colleagues nickname her Woody.
After all the tests she told me she had good news and bad news. The bad news was that I didn't have a prostate gland and the good news was that I wasn't a man. Then she laughed like Woody Woodpecker. I didn't really get it. But it must have been something funny by the way she laughed and went on. I don't think Nurse Bawls got the joke either because she just stood there all stoic and like that. Or maybe she just heard the joke so many times from the doctor she didn't find it funny any more. I'm not sure.
She gave me some alum powder and told me if I had any problems, just powder my pee hole, but keep it away from my woo woo and my poo poo place. Then she took her lazer pointer and started waving the dot on the bare wall and the nurse just stood there all stoic like. So I left
But like I said. I don't like to talk about personal stuff like my woo woo and my pee pee and poo poo holes. This just isn't the place for such subjects. And I don't want to hear any jokes about this like people have been joking about my lamb's head! This ain't funny! It's serious stuff!
Thursday, July 20, 2006