Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Fair & Balanced Reporting

For years, the tabloids and paparazzi have entertained us with sensational news of the sin-sational world we live in. But be honest. look around. Day by day. Isn't it all a bit less than sensational? Isn't life a bit drab and mundane and boringly commonplace most of the time? Thus it is the duty and responsibility of entertainment news media and outlets to enhance, ameliorate, exacerbate, intensify, adulterate, bastardize, or do whatever necessary to intensify the ordinary and create entertaining sensationalism to keep the masses amused. Entertainment News Media is sort of like Religion as being the "opium for the masses" by making "watching the grass grow" become "watching the grass explode!" Asinine News continues this tradition!

Thanks to Ariel and Indie of Indeterminacy for their input and contributions

Monday, May 29, 2006

Doo-Doo Girl / Malibu Contraversy

Hey Poop Poop Brain! You have been 17 ever since you were invented in 1959 by Ruth Handler. So don't act all innocent like you haven't been around the horn. You and your cohorts have been around for 47 years! As for Nurse Malibu, she was kidnapped by the strange dollyphile known only as "The Smoking Man" as seen in this photo forwarded by the notorious Mr. Indie of Indeterminacy. We lost track of any "Harry Man", but that might be Indie himself you are referring to. The above linked article from the Pansi Files shows that you had arranged that abduction of the good nurse because of your jealously over the good Dr. Doo-Doo, your husband in name and chemical only. Apparently the good nurse was returning to be with her lover and you arranged the attack of the Killer Rabbit. We also suspect that you had something to do with the attack of poor Hobbes, for God-only-knows motivations. You pill popping dopers do some kinky things for left-field, off-the-wall reasons.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

By Dusty Doggy

This is my very first editorial for this new section of Asinine News. Here I can express my views of this asinine world. We will also have other features here. I have a lot of plans to expand this rag, er... newspaper now that they made me editor-in-chief instead of just plain ole reporter. That makes my tail wag like crazy. We are actually getting twice the ratings of my daughters blog, Icy. She hasn't posted lately. I think she is pouting because I am doing so much better than her.