Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Is Loyalty For Sale?

I was dumped by Axe Man of the Death Cheese for Daisy of the Pansi Files! That was the most humiliating experience in my life, almost. Well, I guess there were some more embarrassing moments I have experienced before, but I just can't think of any right now. You know how it is. I'm sure you have had embarrassing things happen to you, but when something really discombobulating is happening at the moment, you don't bother to think about other stuff that is over with. It's what is happening now that is really important to us and foremost on our mind. But sometimes when something silly is happening we do recall a similar experience and start talking about it. I guess it depends on the situation and how perturbing the present thing is that determines if we think of other blushing moments from the past.

The thing that bothers me so much about this incident is that my editor, Dusty Doggy, knew all about it. But did he tell me? Nooooooo! Instead, he wrote about it in this raggedy Ann newspaper. I mean, really! What is loyalty anyway? He could have warned me and prevented me all that embarrassment, but noooooooo! He sold out! He put it in the paper and didn't tell me so that I would look like a foolish little lamb! What is a friend, anyway? Is it something of past legends?

I mean, like my Uncle Tom in the comments telling everyone that I lied in my profile and that I am really twenty years old! And he even leaked my name, Patty Lamb! Can't we trust anyone now days? What is happening to this world? What makes people want to leak so much? I know that I have a weak bladder and have to go take a leak very often, but what is their excuse? It seems you just can't trust anyone anymore! When we trust people, they just use it for their own purposes.

They say, "Keep you friends close, but keep your enemies closer." But these days, it is hard to tell the difference!


The Lutefiskies said...

Dont feal tu bad, Lamby. Ax is a big hoar. He just wants a pease of ass frum every chik!
Smelte and Skaale is still avaleable, BTW!

cheesemeister said...

Slack Bladder usually only happens in women over 40. You must have an early onset case.

Lammy said...

Mad Dog 20/20 makes me pee a lot. The more I drink, the more I have to pee. Wonder why that is. I tried eating a sponge cake while drinking to absorb it, but it just made me puke and I still had to piss. Then I tried soaking a tampon in wine and sticking it up my butt. I don't remember what happened after that, but when I woke up, I had shit and pissed the bed.

Dr. Schitz said...

I can certainly see the need for my medical expertise in this case! I am Dr. Schitz of the Netherworld Ill-Health Clinic and consultant to the notorious. I have been treating The Spooky Guy for his involuntary metamorphosis into Bill the Cat whenever he sees something that he finds overly disgusting. When Spooky told me that there was someone who needed my help even more than he did, I had no idea that it was this serious!
First of all, dear girl, it will help you to remember the Boozer's Rule of Thumb: Drink a beer, piss a six pack. Drink MD 20/20 and barf. You should consider upgrading your drink choice to a higher quality wine such as Gallows. Second, when on a bender, remember to eat high fat foods such as pizza and burritos because the fat will help absorb the alcohol. Trust me, I am an expert in these things. And third, your school health educator did a deplorable job! They should have taught you that tampons are only used in the woo-woo, that is to say, the Female Parts.
Should you need my expertise in the future, I can be contacted at the Netherworld Ill-Health clinic on 666 13th Drive. My direct number is 555-666-1313. My fee is a very affordable 66 Quatloos.
If I am not at the clinic I can be found at the Netherworld Hotel,backstage with my trusty stomach pump at a Death Cheese concert, or at Ugly Grace's sipping Gallows.
Yours Truly,
Dr. Schitz
Abnormal Medical Specialist

cheesemeister said...

The great Dr.Schitz' advice to Lammy can be seen only if you write a letter to the editor. It must be really confidential advice!

Dusty Doggy said...

You just gotta use your refresh button on your browser to see your comment or if a page has been updated very recently. Lammy is in the bathroom taking a piss right now. she'll respond to all that later. She's in there with the nurse, so it will probably be a long time before they come out.

weirsdo said...

I think you have kidney, Lammy.

Deth Cheez said...

We think the "nurse" that Lamy went into the bath room with was Iron Maidin's zombee maskot Eddie, hoo wuz drest up like a docter. Hes just lookin for brains to eat! Run, Lammy, run!